“I thought about how shitty a person I must be to hate all of them for being happy when what we had wanted was to be extraordinary. (…)
Some of us are very selfish people and sometimes this is a lesson we learn a little too late, after we have already trainwrecked other people’s lives and hopes and hearts… The summer after I graduated I had no idea what I was in for or what I had started, no idea where that move would take me, no idea that I would come out the other end transformed. Not a butterfly but a vulture or maybe on my better days a bird of prey.(…)
I left all the things I thought I could be to be the one thing I wanted. And when I got here I kept leaving, keep leaving, and what would I write about, anyway, if I ever knew what it was like to be one person, to love one person, to stand in a single place and say At last here I am, I am home.”
i wish i wanted something this badly. i wish i wanted something less banal and bigger than happiness. i just know that i would never have left that house. because that house is all i’ve ever wanted. idk yo.