My very own Working List of Things I Will Never Tell You.
1. I quit drinking coffee twelve hours before I quit you. I can’t tell why I’ve had more energy and felt more like myself - no coffee or no you - and I feel guilty about that.
2. I had a full-scale meltdown after the season two finale of Buffy two days after we ended things.
3. I don’t think I was crying about Buffy.
4. I just had another meltdown during the prom episode of Buffy (she turns and sees Angel in the doorway in a tux just as we hit the chorus of Wild Horses).
5. I have only cried about you by crying about Buffy.
6. When I said the thing about wishing I could live a hundred lifetimes as myself because in one of them, I would be willing to give up my dreams to become a mother, I meant with you.
7. I don’t know if you still read my tumblr and that makes me nervous about posting this.
8. I’m almost certain you do.
9. I don’t care.
10. I haven’t deleted any of the voicemails from you I’ve saved.
11. I honestly don’t know if I ever will.
12. Since we split, I haven’t really wanted to talk to anyone. At all.
13. You’re my ghost ship.
14. I’m happy.
15. I’m devastated.
16. Loving you made me less like myself and that is something I will never forgive you for.